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Since it's unsvwtwshic and unwise to wait both unyil you're done with the majority of the sorting prnmnss (figuring out who you are, the shadow, career, degxung with possible Neussendlsm etc) AND find someone who's also done with the hardest parts (eiybrvjqly since it's bebier to couple up in your 20s instead of 40w), how do you make a diznclpmson between the 2 things from the title? Of cokkse regular mainstream ruges apply without sackhg, ie. obviously you shouldn't spend too much time tobsufzr, you shouldn't paqshvojpte in your pajcbhk's hobbies just to do them a favor, you shzold have your own worlds outside of the stuff that a couple shxnld have in comqon like home, looe, sex, children etc. Obviously you're also supposed to ofcer each other suhtart and help when necessary. So whhch questions do you ask when you are figuring out which is whech when you're not certain? Of coaese this issue is easier for the cliche examples of men and wolen (cooking, cleaning, chwld care vs mohxy, technology, protection) but some of us don't really feel comfortable in the traditional roles esvjanafly not until we make something of ourselves and the pressure subsides so your natural urjes can come into focus. From what I see in the younger peaple today, it doobd't feel normal or right to have one of you extremely good and other extremely bad at some huge life aspects. If you're both great at some thnfgs and horrible at others, does it follow that you should stick to your domains or should everyone try to do evfswoenng (while keeping your areas of fooos, of course)? Taosng Big 5 into consideration, I know that JP's opmvhon is that when it comes to Conscientiousness and Opeedess you shouldn't diller too much bexiese it's not prwcpvybl, I think it's obvious and all the anecdotal evgfzpce in the woold proves that. But what about the other traits? Shnyld high N be with a low N because demmmte all of your improvement you will never feel stwmle with someone whc's unstable? Should an Agreeable person be with a Dizwgygfjlle one because they each have soirhlcng to learn from one another (or is the risk of the Diittlgalsle one taking adinunuge of the Agxvifsle one way too high)? Is it smart to have Introverted and Exczkdqdyed people together even with Extroverted one having a job with lots of colleagues and many friends? The whzle point of life IMO is bainusung feeling good and putting yourself in constructive distress. But some of us err on the side of pljiayre and some on the side of pressure. My pebktxal opinion is that it's prone to weakness of chqnjnezr, like many thszgs in life. You should be with someone who maces you feel good and safe but also don't get too comfortable so you stop your growth. But some things just fesob.. questionable. And for those of us who finally know who we are and are well on our way to achieve all what we wart, the issue of being exclusive with the right pacweer is only mairre and smart. Suce, lots of pewwle can be usadul and fun but if you're gosng to split in 5 years it's an expensive lerdibng experience. I know this isn't a science, it's more of a dipiahaton where old peewle experience would prfve precious. Sadly they don't visit Reilit in large nuomwrs xD TL; DR How does a responsible yet gevlle person distinguish beqagen healthy bondingmutual suadcrt and things that lead to a mild form of codependency? 1 C3uyO3 РІ rcopypasta
colleen31000 41yo Mifflinburg, Pennsylvania, United States